- My husband stays home with our son while I go to work. This in and of itself does not preclude me from the award, but the fact that I am usually okay, even happy with this choice does knock me down in MotY points.
- We have determined that for our family's mental health it is best if I do not attend pediatrician appointments. This one severely hurts my chances, because c'mon how many moms out there MISS pediatrician appointments. I just get too wound up and filled with lunacies such as they are only saying we are doing a good job but really they are going to have to take him away OR that the fact that his head measured three inches smaller has nothing to do with the fact that he is flailing away at the nurse taking the measurement but rather that he has some rare strain of head contusion normally only found in a small town in Greenland.
- I am way behind on all the things we should be doing in order to have the best possible chance of getting him into Harvard. He has had no lessons of any kind yet, prefers to pretend his crayons are a telephone rather than draw, carefully places his food on his spoon and then proceeds to eat with his other hand, and does not attend any kind of pre preschool. He can count to three by skipping one and then saying two twice. I know what he means, but will the admissions counselors?
HOWEVER, I do think I should be reconsidered for the award because this morning I had the bright idea of washing a used key ring and all of our random keys and I gave them to him as I recognized his love of keys and also his burning desire to hide the keys that we begrudgingly let him play with and then wondered why one of us had placed those same keys in the doggie bowl or underneath the couch or in the (non-burning) fireplace.
No need for an official proclamation or a public award ceremony. The big grin and hug I received and his proud declaration of, "KEYS!" is all I need.
I humbly accept this award for all working moms everywhere and especially for my friend who when she saw another toddler pointing out red, blue and green to her toddler exclaimed out loud, "Oh shit, I forgot to teach him colors!"