Sunday, April 1, 2007

April Fool

I am not a big April Fool's fan. I realize this is hard to believe but sophomoric pranks bore me... or maybe I just don't like to be a victim of them and the fewer you do, the higher the percentage chance of actually not having any done to you.

Sunday landing on April 1st was just too much to resist, but what to do.... what to do.

I didn't want to disrupt worship so I went with an obvious, harmless prank on the choir. They gather in a separate room to rehearse before worship and they have their own bulletins there. I redid our traditional front and back page to read like this (formatting has been lost and names have been changed to protect the innocent):


The Flowers in the Sanctuary
Are provided by Pastor Will Smama and the choir
In honor of Olaf Organist’s stunning physique and gentle manner.

Participating in Worship Today:
Ministers: All members of the congregation
Billy Graham, Al Sharpton, Jesus
Worship Assistant: You
Acolyte: son of Will Smama (he's 2, what's the worst that could happen?)
Greeters: Ronald McDonald/Rocky/Bullwinkle
A Moment With Our Children: We are just going to let them play tag
Nursery Attendants: Please see above
Organist: Olaf ‘Dead Sexy’ Organist

Hearing devices are available.
Please ask an usher if you need any assistance.
If they can’t hear you, then get two one for you and one for them.
Please join us immediately following worship for Coffee Fellowship
in the Christian Education Building. What did you bring?
The Friendship pad is our way of getting to know you better. It is a record of your attendance at worship today. We also keep close surveillance on your house so if you aren’t here we do know where you went. Don’t even try it. Jesus is watching…
For more upcoming events, to view a new interactive calendar and to log on to our very own blog please look up on the internet. Or you can just ask Spence or June. They run everything anyway.
The 2007 Flower Chart is posted on the bulletin board at the side entrance to the Education Building. We know that you like to buy flowers around a special date, but is it our fault that no one we know was born or married or did anything significant in mid-June or July? C’mon! Throw us a bone and buy some flowers!
Children are welcome in worship.
This is so that when an adult drops a hymnal loudly on the floor they can glare at the nearest child.

Gathering Around the Word
We yammer and talk until some pretty music is played.

Welcome & Announcements

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go


Call to Worship
Leader: I am always amazed about how people will read out loud
People: Anything they see written in bold in the bulletin.
Truly it is amazing, but I have never tested the theory until now:
Buffalo, library, Penelope, peace train, cantaloupe.
It’s downright scary, isn’t it.
Puppies are cute; Pastor Will Smama is da funny.

*Hymn #666 - SexyBack - TIMBERLAKE

*Prayer of Confession
Dear Lord, I have so much to do and yet I have spent time on this.
Forgive me for playing an April Fool’s joke on the unsuspecting choir. Please allow them to abide by the rules that no April Fool’s joke can be avenged on any day other than April 1st. Nor may an April Fool’s joke be avenged in worship. Thou shalt not be purposefully avenging in worship. It’s a rule. I saw it in Leviticus somewhere. Trust me, it’s there. (Time of silent confession).

* Assurance of Pardon
Hear the good news! Pastor Will Smama is forgiven!
Thanks be to God!

*Peace friends!

I printed it on bulletins left over from a few Advents ago when we were presenting different artwork of the nativity for each Sunday of Advent. the one I chose is one that most folks hated.

Anyway, should be fun... I just hope the reprecussions aren't too harsh.


Teri said...

Okay, I laughed out loud (loud enough that my cats stopped playing their chasing game and looked at me) at the call to worship.
That is so true!

cheesehead said...

Hey! It's not fair to make an old lady over forty laugh that long and that hard!

(Accidents happen. Things prolapse. That's all I'm saying about that...)

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go change my dainties.

Preacher Mom said...

LOVE IT! Especially the Call to Worship!

will smama said...

You know the CTW is the truth. I think that often when folks just read a typo.

But I think my favorite line is this one:
Hearing devices are available.
Please ask an usher if you need any assistance.
If they can’t hear you, then get two one for you and one for them.

Listing Straight said...

You know, you could never do that kind of thing at a big church.

I wondered if I should do an AF joke in my welcome tomorrow, but gave up because I knew I couldn't be clever enough. I was right.

Can't wait to hear how it goes....

Songbird said...

You *are* da funny!

towanda said...

oh man, I laughed so hard I gave away the fact I'm not writing my sermon...

lorna (see through faith) said...

you are the GREATEST :)

net said...

oh my! that's SO good!

will smama said...

You know LS, I think you could do it in a big church, but you would have to have some tenure there first. I remember on our Choir Director's 50th birthday he got them up to sing some concerto or the other and instead they put on hats and sang 'happy birthday to you'. But the associate minister of music had been at the church FOREVER and was basically untouchable.

will smama said...

By the way, that incident ocurred at the church I grew up in, not here. We did not suddenly jump to a fully staffed 2500 member church.

Gord said...

Absolutely priceless. We are in the presence of genius!

Sue said...

This is SO funny!!

PPB said...

You ARE the funny.

Stushie said...

We have birthday listings in our church newsletter, so this month under April 1 I put in the name Lila Proof and refrred to her as a past member.

People at church today were trying to find out who Lila Proof is. I may tell them next Sunday -it's an anagram.

zorra said...

This is hi-larious. I wish I had thought of it first.

will smama said...

stushie, that's funny. We actually do have someone whose birthday is 4/1.

Mary Beth said...


towanda said...

bonus April Fool's joke...that link doesn't work.

silly me.