Thursday, May 3, 2007

Parental Divide

I usually try and keep things short and sweet on here because I think there are enough long-winded, stressful posts out there and I have started to consider myself to be the fun commercial that you actually stay in the room to watch... or something like that. But I feel like I need to explain a little bit more.

Both of our parents live near us. And I am sure there is some bias here, but my parents are wonderful. They enjoy The Boy's company, they bend over backwards to help us (my Mom took off work to take The Boy to swim lesson when I had strep throat and is his main caregiver on Sunday mornings). My parents go almost too far the other way in giving us our space - I wish my Mom would call more and not worry so much about waking someone up or interrupting something.

Now I get that his parents cannot do a lot of those hands on things with The Boy. They are older and she is in a wheelchair after suffering a stroke (which I realize may have some of you thinking that I am in fact quite evil). But trust me when I tell you that they were manipulative before she had her stroke and now that fact has just been added to their arsenal of guilt-throwers and demanding ways.

They are in a full care available facility and yesterday hinted to TDH that IF f-i-l should go first he would rather pay a family member to take care of m-i-l than the nursing home.

And now the guilt drips will begin. Whatever the politically correct equivalent of Chinese water torture is, that is what they do:
"Your Mom has suffered so throughout her life, I'd hate to see that happen after I go." - drip.

"She really isn't that hard to take care of... you just have to get her what she needs when she wants it. She would do that for you." - drip.

And my personal favorite: "Your mother has never done anything to hurt anyone in her life." - DRIP! (There are 7 current & ex daughter in-laws out there who would beg to differ.)

TDH GETS that they suck and that they are manipulative but they are of course still his parents and he feels like he is a bad son (he is the only one out of five still actively helping them at all). He feels like he doesn't have a good enough heart/isn't a good enough Christian because he doesn't want to help his parents. And then he gets deeper and deeper into a funk which as you know brings everything else (relationships, energy, desire to do anything) down in a funk with him.

It. Sucks.

Still don't think it's necessarily his parents? This past winter they went to Florida for three months - three BEAUTIFUL months. TWO days before they were scheduled to come back TDH started changing and it has been not good ever since.

And I don't know how to fix it. Well, I do but I would get arrested and that wouldn't help anything.

Not really looking for cyber-hugs or advice. Just thought I'd put it all out there so we can continue with our regularly scheduled programming.

16 comments:

reverendmother said...

Oh, man.

Thanks for clarifying. You put whatever you want on this blog and we'll read it because we like you.

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

Some people are so toxic, you just want to tattoo a red skull and crossbones on their forehead, with a single word: RUN!

cheesehead said...

Well, you aren't asking for hugs, so can I give you the chuck-on-the-shoulder-of-sucky-in-laws-sisterhood?

[ ]*

LIke reverendmother said, we care about you. You go ahead and write whatever you want.

You're like crack...I'll keep coming back.

Listing Straight said...

You know, I think that almost every day. Will Smama is just like crack.

So true. So true.

Keep writing.

]*

cheesehead said...

Oh...I was supposed to just do the one shoulder...I get it. Like this:

]*

will smama said...

yeah just don't do this (0)* or it looks like your slapping my boob.

You all rock, thanks.

will smama said...

Sorry rm, that's "you're"

Songbird said...

]*
I like that. It's expressive. Here's one from me:
]*

Anonymous said...

can they move permanently to Florida :)

sorry it's not easy. I know. Been there but it was my own mum who was (is) the difficulty. Luckily I am in Finland and she is not. Distance helps a lot.

Lorna said...

]* ... forgot to add it

Kathryn said...

]*
and a prayer or two too

LadyBurg said...

Ugh. It sucks. Yup.

Crack, huh. Interesting thought.

ppb said...

I think anonymous is on to something....Florida is lovely always.

Sorry. You are right. It truly sucks.

St. Casserole said...

Write anything and I'll come read it.

hit you on the shoulder thingie here.

yuk. I hate manipulative 'rents.

Serena said...

YUK!!! ]* from me too ... and a big "ditto" on keep writing ... it's the best way to maintain sanity, methinks .. and I'll keep reading and praying too.

Magdalene6127 said...

]*, Will Smama. You're not the crazy one.

Mags