Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
On Endings and Goodbyes:
1. Best ending of a movie/book/TV show
Movie - The Natural (thank you for not following the book)
Book - Prayer for Owen Meany (thank you for not following the 'movie')
TV Show - Newhart (I actually was too young to have seen the earlier show but even I knew how clever that ending was.)
2. Worst ending of a movie/book/TV show
Movie - City of Angels (spoiler alert) I do NOT go to movies for sad endings. Life sucks enough. The whole movie theater was PISSED when Meg Ryan got hit by a truck. Some even booed. Decent soundtrack though.
3. Tell about a memorable goodbye you've experienced.
It was at an airport and we were only dating. I was going up to home state for a visit. It was the sweetest kiss...
4. Is it true that "all good things must come to an end"?
My heart says: No. That is bullshit.
5. "Everything I ever let go of has claw marks on it." --Anne Lamott
This is a great way of putting it and something I actively work on in myself.
Bonus: "It isn't over until the fat lady sings." I've never loved this expression. So propose an alternative:
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The downside? There is a great need to walk AROUND the trees for fear of getting knocked out by a rapidly dropping pellet-like object, if you are at all anxious about ANYTHING randomly but fairly consistently dropping acorns are not exactly good chill out music, even very large people can go skating across the parking lot when stepping on a large group of acorns. They are not to be trifled with.
The fun thing? Next year you will be able to count the acorns that fall from the trees on your hands. They dump every other year.
But I have never seen them unload like this.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I remember this song struck me even before my world came tumbling down.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Like all songs us chicks try to apply to our own world it does not fully fit the situation but the emotion behind the loss certainly does.
Announcer's Voice: This has been a melodramatic heartbroken moment. Thank you for 'listening'. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming of picking ourselves up, loving our son, church work and errands.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The bad news is that I was chicken for too long and there were no more appointments left on the 28th. In fact in this college town there are no appointments on Fridays or Saturdays left until December.
And so I made one for the following Tuesday (a week from today - GULP!) not totally thinking through that the very next morning I will have a very sore ankle with a bandage on it... and be at The Boy's music class where the potential for it being hit by a random percussion instrument is very high.
And Inquisitive Super Judgmental Mommy will want to know, "What happened to your ankle?"
Can I bring in his artwork that I laminated for him to use as a placemat in my defense?
Or should I just show her the invisible tattoo on my ass?
Monday, September 24, 2007
No, the weirdest moment was on my way home when The Boy kept naming animals: cow, sheep, horse... for seemingly no apparant reason and when he said 'goat' I almost hit one.
Remind me to teach him the word 'lottery'.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Yes, I know this is ABSOLUTELY me putting all of this on them. They could very well be the nicest women ever.
One of the songs the kids are singing to is The Riddle Song. Doesn't ring a bell?
I gave my love a cherry that had no stone
I gave my love a chicken that had no bone.
I tell my love a story that.... (enter John Belushi who smashes the guitar).
Last week I leaned over to the Mom next to me and said, "This song reminds me of Animal House."
To which she quickly responded, "We don't watch those movies in our home," and shielded her children away from me.
There really wasn't time to explain that the last time I watched Animal House was in college other than channel surfing past it on Comedy Central... well then, and of course while we are eating breakfast before we go out and have our daily keggers.
Thank you sir, may I have another!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Some helpful things to know:
- It seems there really was nothing else I could have done.
- He gets how terribly he has treated me and how absolutely insane he has acted.
- The Boy remains his number 1 priority.
- He cried. I did not.
- It looks like splitting assets is not going to be an issue.
- I think we are going to be able to do this as collaboratively as possible.
Some not so helpful things to know:
- TOW2 is moving from Fallic Southern State to neighboring state next weekend (grrrrrrrr). Although she will still be 5 hours away and he is not allowed to take The Boy out of state that still ticks me off.
- Who is paying for what car may become an issue.
A sad thing to recognize:
- The final nail has been officially hammered into the coffin. It is time to get this process done.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Making the most of our resources is important, I have been challenged this week by the amount of stuff we accumulate, I'd love to live a simpler lifestyle, it would be good for me, and for the environment I think...With that in mind I bring you this Friday 5:
1. Are you a hoarder or a minimalist?
I think with a choice between the two I would go with minimalist, but I am by no means clutter-free.
2. Name one important object (could be an heirloom) that you will never part with.
Right now I am thinking the art project that The Boy did that I had laminated into a placemat for him. I also have a cross that was made with layer after layer of cloth, each piece intricately cut into a pattern around its edges, one piece just smaller than the one before made by my great great grandfather. It is absolutely gorgeous and unique.
3. What is the oldest item in your closet? Does it still fit???
I have a sweatshirt that a friend gave me his freshman year at Northwestern. I visited him there as part of my summer between junior and senior year of college spent in the Chicago area. So the sweatshirt is... hold while I do the algorithm... 16 years old. The cuffs are gone and the neckline is rough but it is THE PERFECT curl-up-in-a-chair-with-the-cat-and-coffee-and-book shirt. I am sure you have one too.
4.Yard sales- love 'em or hate 'em ?
Not my thing, but I don't hate them. I end up buying stuff because it is ridiculously priced and then I have that clutter at MY house.
5. Name a recycling habit you really want to get into.
I wish recycling were easier here. For folks where I live recycling means burning... even plastic - it. is. gross. Someday I would be interested in getting into the whole compost thing but it seems pretty labor-intensive to at least get it going so that will have to wait until after I write this sermon!
And for a bonus- well anything you want to add....
One of my fun memories from youth was spending Saturday mornings once a month helping with recycling with my Girl Scout troop. Our borough was not exactly on the cutting edge, but not everyone had recycling at that time. It saddens me that where I live now this is still the system - once a month bring your recyclables to the municipal lot. Come on people!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
This past Monday The Boy and I slept in until after 8. He played while I did a few things that needed to be done upstairs and then we came down together for breakfast. He played some more while I did a few more things downstairs and then we headed out for a hike. We brought the dog.
The Boy learned that you cannot possibly catch up to the dog even though he remains tantalizingly within your eyesight. The Boy also learned that if you are very, very quiet you can hear trees creak and that three walking sticks is one walking stick too many.
We came home and were joined by a friend and her little boy who is a year younger. We all ate pizza and she took some hand-me-down clothes home as I attempt to soften the blow of most likely not needing them.
They left and then came naps for both - his was longer and so I was able to get a few more things done. We played outside afterwards and then came dinner and playing on the floor for both of us.
Since then I have had a busy day, a weird day and a lonely day. I have had sad moments, painful moments, respite moments and friend-filled moments and I know there are quite a few interesting days and moments to come.
But it sure was nice late on Monday evening to respond to a friend's question with, "It was a good day."
Monday, September 17, 2007
Of course, I have not been back to the gym in 2 weeks... tomorrow I shall get back on the horse... err, elliptical.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Friends who take you to stupid, juvenile movies on your wedding anniversary are smart friends.
Laughter in the dark sounds foreign and feels good.
Sometimes 'survival mode' is ok. Case in point...
will smama on the phone to listing straight on the day all the truth came out:
WS: I'm about to restart the dvd for The Boy, THAT's some great parenting.
LS: I'm pretty sure when you look back on this day the number of videos The Boy watched is not going to be the first thing you think of.
It takes two to be in a relationship and only one to wreck it.
No more sensitive, quiet types.
No more church workers.
You REALLY learn who your friends are in situations like this. Because of the publicity/embarassment factor even folks who stuck with us through other trying times disappeared. One couple even left the church. Supposedly it was not related but if you were really my friend wouldn't you suck it up just for a month more so that the timing didn't look so bad.
You don't have to have ever met someone for them to be a real friend.
Two emotionally needy people should not have children. Please Lord, let them not have children.
If they do, and it's a girl, it is really going to hurt.
Toddlers are resilient.
At some point 'surreal' just isn't the right word any more. 'Alternate F'ing Universe' works but is a bit long and bulky to put across the front of a t-shirt.
Although I have always respected single moms, I will admit that when I heard someone was separating or divorcing and there were small children in the house I would think to myself, "C'mon, can't they do better than that?" I have now painfully learned that sometimes the answer is no, they can't.
Sometimes it is ok to not talk about it any more.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Although no one in my family is stupid and my parents especially knew things were not good it is one thing to have a hunch and another to know it conclusively especially when surrounded by inquiring family and friends.
The truth is that TDH is going to be TD-eX.
There is yet another woman. It goes something like this: He cannot handle the stress and conflict of life in a mature relationship and so when TOW gives him an invitation he follows up on it enjoying the excitement and the ease of it and then as TOW begins to put up red lights and proclaims the importance of her marriage he is once again facing stress and conflict and calls a friend that he knows from hot, southern state where we both worked and she too gives him an invitation which he follows up on rather than face the stress and conflict with TOW or - God forbid - his wife.
We're done so that he can pursue a relationship with someone else. A someone else who sang with the choir at our wedding.
It is actually even worse than I have described and at times over the last two weeks things have been excruciating. The congregation has been fully informed via another letter that includes the information about the first emotional affair although no name was revealed. However, at this point everyone knows as THAT family sent out a letter of their own which on the surface was asking for forgiveness but in reality was stating that they would come back to church here but cannot because it is better for me if they are not here. Nice.
A meeting was held while I was away in which all of our Board and our EP were there to answer any questions and assure everyone that I had and have done nothing wrong. The support there was 99.9%.
tdx's intention is to stay in the area so that he can be an active co-parent although I did tell him that he was more than welcome to move to hot, southern state where SHE is.
One of my friends asked me what I would do if he came to me totally repentant and finally seeming to be in his right mind, begging me to put the pieces of our marriage together. I said, "I'll cross that charred bridge when I get to it." However, during my time away I realized that one of the reasons that I cannot even begin trying to get my heart to recognize what my mind already understands is because he has put the burden on me to officially end things in a variety of ways. My marriage vows were so sacred to me that I could not break them even when he had broken them first. And so yesterday after The Boy was safely in his nap I made tdx look me in the eye and tell me. "It's over."
He did and it is.
I have learned a lot through this already and there is plenty more to come, I am sure. This is for a post yet to come. For now I wanted to let me friends know where things stand so that your prayers can be even more specific than they have been already.
Monday, September 10, 2007
We are back from... my sister's wedding! Highlights:
Getting to know my brother-in-law better;
Seeing phenomenal family friends, and okay family as well, that I don't get to see all that often;
THE BOY IN A TUX!!!! Pictures soon, I promise;
The Boy playing in Boston Commons including his first boat ride! The grip he had on the railing at the side of the boat for the 1st half of the ride was absolutely precious... and for Mommy, a relief even if we were going a whopping 1 nautical knot;
A gorgeous wedding and reception in a beautiful setting;
Watching my sister finally let go of all the planning and enjoy her hard work;
An absolutely brilliant wedding service and sermon meditation (quite subjective as I did that part);
Manis/pedis at a swank spa on Newbury Street;
My friend's absolute brilliant participation as she helped with The Boy and helped keep me in a good place as well.
It is both good to be home and also weird. Home is where the heart is and mine has not caught up with what my brain knows to be true. The Boy starts preschool tomorrow and I am looking forward to being in a set schedule rather than the chaos of August and there is PLENTY of 'catch -up' and 'right now' to be done.
For now, The Boy is reuniting with his toys (and putting none back, of course), I am reuniting with my blog friends through this post, and the cat is reuniting with my lap. I guess for now that is home enough.