Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Other Shoe

So the posts have been fairly benign lately... or at least not about the thing that we have come to call The Mess. It hurt me not to reach out to my internet support group but my mom and sister read this blog and The Big Family Event that just took place was in fact my sister's wedding and she and my Mom had every right to enjoy that moment as much as I had just a bit over 11 years ago.

Although no one in my family is stupid and my parents especially knew things were not good it is one thing to have a hunch and another to know it conclusively especially when surrounded by inquiring family and friends.

The truth is that TDH is going to be TD-eX.

There is yet another woman. It goes something like this: He cannot handle the stress and conflict of life in a mature relationship and so when TOW gives him an invitation he follows up on it enjoying the excitement and the ease of it and then as TOW begins to put up red lights and proclaims the importance of her marriage he is once again facing stress and conflict and calls a friend that he knows from hot, southern state where we both worked and she too gives him an invitation which he follows up on rather than face the stress and conflict with TOW or - God forbid - his wife.

We're done so that he can pursue a relationship with someone else. A someone else who sang with the choir at our wedding.

It is actually even worse than I have described and at times over the last two weeks things have been excruciating. The congregation has been fully informed via another letter that includes the information about the first emotional affair although no name was revealed. However, at this point everyone knows as THAT family sent out a letter of their own which on the surface was asking for forgiveness but in reality was stating that they would come back to church here but cannot because it is better for me if they are not here. Nice.

A meeting was held while I was away in which all of our Board and our EP were there to answer any questions and assure everyone that I had and have done nothing wrong. The support there was 99.9%.

tdx's intention is to stay in the area so that he can be an active co-parent although I did tell him that he was more than welcome to move to hot, southern state where SHE is.

One of my friends asked me what I would do if he came to me totally repentant and finally seeming to be in his right mind, begging me to put the pieces of our marriage together. I said, "I'll cross that charred bridge when I get to it." However, during my time away I realized that one of the reasons that I cannot even begin trying to get my heart to recognize what my mind already understands is because he has put the burden on me to officially end things in a variety of ways. My marriage vows were so sacred to me that I could not break them even when he had broken them first. And so yesterday after The Boy was safely in his nap I made tdx look me in the eye and tell me. "It's over."

He did and it is.

I have learned a lot through this already and there is plenty more to come, I am sure. This is for a post yet to come. For now I wanted to let me friends know where things stand so that your prayers can be even more specific than they have been already.

Peace, friends.

53 comments:

DogBlogger said...

Prayers, prayers, and more prayers.

(((will smama)))

more cows than people said...

(((((ws)))))

still praying.

and swearing on your behalf.

Mrs. M said...

((((ws))))

Jane Ellen+ said...

Prayers...

((ws))

cheesehead said...

This might last longer than two seconds:

(((ws)))

Quotidian Grace said...

((((WS)))

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

Gord said...

Why is the text blurry?

(((WS)) ((The Boy))

Prayer and more prayers for whatever healing means in THe MEss

Rev Dave said...

Gord, I'm having the same problem.

Prayers of lament...

ppb said...

I am so sorry.

Linda said...

I am so sorry, WS. My prayers continue.

jill said...

It's a whole lotta suckage, WS. So, so many prayers coming your way, for you, the boy, and well, maybe not for TDX just yet!

Keep your eyes open for glimmers of light--they will shine through.

net said...

(((ws & The Boy)))

Prayers for your heart and soul!

AKMA said...

Been in your cheering section a long time and planning to stay there. Prayers for grace and peace, and available for support when you need it.

Preacher Mom said...

This stinks - royally.

I honor your request. Still praying, only now more specifically. Thank you for trusting this community with your story.

Katherine said...

(o)

Lorna (see through faith) said...

to point out the obvious you are better off without TOW in the congregation now - even if she too (and her family) are hurting . You cannot possibly be a pastor to them and they need to find support - and help in repentence - elsewhere.

As for TDeX - ouch - I can't imagine your hurt, frustration and anger - but maybe at least this shows that really, surely, 100% it isn't about you - in case you ever doubted yourself.

Hand me that oar - while I help you paddle upstream a little - to those green pastures where you - and the boy - can rest a little.

revrosa said...

Oh Sweet Jesus, Will Smama. Like others, I find the screen blurring too--and we've never even met in person. Fierce, strong prayers are going your way--for endurance, for the pain to ebb. For new life after all this horror. (((((ws))))

Rev Kim said...

Praying for you and The Boy.

Pink Shoes said...

Prayers, and whatever else might be helpful.

reverendmother said...

Oh man.

Oh! Man!

Big sigh.

Love you much.

Katharine O'Moore-Klopf said...

Oh, hell. I'm cranking my prayers for you and The Boy up a few notches.

HeyJules said...

And there it is. God bless you WS, God bless you and the boy.

And God bless him on the very day he realizes what he's gone and thrown away.

Sue said...

Prayers in abundance here too WS. I'm just so very sorry.

(((ws)))

Kathryn said...

Oh my friend _ I am so sorry. Love, tears,prayers and more love.

Songbird said...

You know how I feel, ws. Wish I could be as close to you geographically as I am in spirit.

Rev Dr Mom said...

I am so so sorry. Pats and prayers and good wishes headed your way.

Identity Mixed said...

I read and re-read. And the words are still the same. I want it to go away.

Thinking of you.

zorra said...

(o)
WS, I am so sorry.

Cathy said...

I am so very very sorry. Lifting you and The Boy in prayer. My heart goes out to both of you.

Teri said...

well boo. I'm glad your church board has been supportive. Many prayers for you and the boy, and a couple for TDX too, I suppose.

Magdalene6127 said...

(((Will Smama))). Love and Payers.

Mags

mamaS said...

oh damn. that sucks.
continued prayers.

Towanda said...

shit, God.

many prayers for you, continuing.

i'm so glad your board and EP are doing the right thing, and that your congregation is supportive.

will smama said...

Thank you all for the tears and the prayers as I am finding it hard lately to find either.

esperanza said...

Well, damn.
Prayers will continue, and I'm so, so grateful that the church is supportive.
Much, much peace to you.

sherry said...

Does the sign on that picture on the previous post say "no one allowed beyond gate"?

It just hit me as such a poignant and symbolic pic....a young couple in embrace, a little boy leading his mother by the finger into the forbidden tunnel...

praying for the light at the end of that tunnel

PK said...

I'm pullin' on my big girl... ass-kickin' boots... the red ones... with the really pointy toes. Mapquest him for me... and drive there to get my afternoon work out. I'll pray for you now... the boy now... and maybe for forgiveness... after I've sweated a while.

RevHRod said...

Oh my heart just aches for you. I have no other words, but many prayers for you and your dear boy.

Althea N. Agape said...

my heart is broken for you. All the other things I might say don't matter right now.

{{WS}}(And I'm not much of a hugger either!)

LadyBurg said...

Love you.

introspectreangel said...

WS, you know I'm going through something similar, but the fact that you are having to deal with this in such a public way in front of your community is breaking my heart for you. Prayers, prayers, prayers for you and for your boy. Hugs, dear.

Sunday's Child said...

I'm so sorry. Adding more prayers for you and the Boy.

Rev Scott said...

Been there.
Done that.
Wanna borrow the t-shirt?

{{{{{WS}}}}}

Praying for you and those you love.

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

prayers, prayers, more prayers

I imagine it has been excruciating, and I am so sorry you're hurting

Questing Parson said...

ROW!!

MayB MayB Not said...

Serena here ... so sorry, and count me in for the prayer team.

QuakerPastor said...

So sorry for all your trouble. I am praying for you and the boy.

Purechristianithink said...

I'm so sorry. Hang in there. We'll help paddle.

Anonymous said...

Missed you yesterday. I hope it was a good day.

peace,
Kate

revrosa said...

(ws and boy)

Mary Beth said...

Egads. When you think it cannot get worse, it does. How long, O Lord?

until then...I'm here praying.

will smama said...

Thank you all for your prayers and support. It really means so much to me. One of the neat things is that I am going through my day, hitting low and lower points, the comments will pop up on my email, "I'm praying for you" "(ws" and of course ']*'

It really means a lot. Thank you.

Girl said...

Oh God. We're so sorry. Obviously I can't say what I want to say. That will come later.

But we are thinking of you. Honeymoon or no honeymoon.


Deep breaths. We love you. We love you. We love you.