Just chilling out after my first FULL Sunday back in the pulpit. The sermon went fairly well although it took every ounce and every minute of the week up until church time to get it written. That always happens on my first sermon back.
Now The Boy and I are chilling out at home. I LOVE it when he points at me and says, "Sit on the couch." You certainly don't have to tell me twice.
As for the shirt, to TDH's credit, he thought it was pretty funny. In some ways that makes things worse. I talk to him and he seems like the same guy I have know for 12 years. He acts and talks like a man I would be interested in. I sometimes look at him and wonder how the heck things fell apart so fast and if this is really the way things have to be.
I mean divorce? Really? A year ago today we were fine. We were helping each other get through what since 2003 has always been a tough month for us and we were planning a HUGE Thanksgiving, discussing what a jerk his BROTHER is.
How did we get here?
There are no easy answers, I know. And because I believe in a sovereign God, I have actually let go a little bit of trying to find the answers. I am working very hard on letting go of the 'what ifs' and the 'if onlys'.
But cannot help but think that others have been through far worse than we have and made it through to the other side. Why did he quit on us? And should I be trying harder to keep my family together, rather than allowing the divorce to happen?
If TDH showed up at the door and said he wanted to take me up on my rhetoric about being willing to work on the marriage, would I REALLY be willing to do the work that salvaging our relationship - and our family - would take?
It just all seems so sad and disappointing.... and unnecessary.