Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Moving On

Two days since the big meeting and I am still tired. And I used ALL of my sermon mojo up last week and just have plain nothing to give this week. Sigh...

I still feel really good about what transpired Monday night. It was slightly less than 2 hours filled with forgiveness, apologies, explanations, consequences and attempts to verbalize where we all go from here. It was weird to see her again as when someone does something so dastardly you expect it to affect their appearance but of course it has not, she looks fine. I also found that in a way it was good to see her. She was my friend and I have missed her.

This is part of what I verbalized to her - she should be part of the team helping me through all of this, not the one who started the meltdown to begin with.

Anyway... it is time to move on from that part of this drama. As I have shared with a few friends I need to focus my energies on having the great Christmas that The Boy and I deserve. And then at the end of January my marriage will officially end and that is going to take some significant energy as well. I don't have any to spare on a couple that is no longer an integral part of my life any more whether they worship here or not (and I don't think they will).

Next on the mental 'to do' list is to forgive TDH but to that I just have this question:

How do you forigive someone who you know is not done hurting you yet?

23 comments:

Michele R said...

One day at a time?

will smama said...

Yes. Rowing, breathing, walking - one day at a time.

The question can be left as a rhetorical. I know there are no easy answers and truthfully that question does not need to be answered yes as my forgivenss (or lack thereof) of him has not become a hurdle to my life as the other one had.

Pink Shoes said...

I have no idea.
You're in my thoughts.

Sue said...

]*

imngrace said...

Excellent question, rhetorical or not. I'm still in process with it and my guess is that your process has just begun. It's not an easy path to walk--especially when you are "in the business" of offering forgiveness to others. That is the part that is hardest for me to reconcile and a question I still struggle with... my prayers.

cheesehead said...

(((WS)))

Songbird said...

As you know, I still grapple with that question myself. I wish I had an answer, even if the question is rhetorical. (((ws))) So proud of you for Monday night.

Cathy said...

Good question. It's a lifetime process. Someone told me once 2-5 years. That's about right for the MAJOR stuff. It's the times that it rears its ugly head that sometimes surprises you.

I'm with Songbird on this one - I'm still grappling at times... but not like I was when I was where you are.

Big hug (but really not..more like a chuck).

sherry said...

My person that I "should" forgive, but don't because she is not done hurting my yet is my mother.

And, I haven't forgiven her. I accept that she is flawed, as am I, but forgiveness means leaving myself vulnerable again and I just am not able to do that.

So, I pray to be forgiven for that flaw in myself.

That is how it is 15 years into this process.

Identity Mixed said...

Sometimes we have to forgive others so we can move on. You will permanently attached to this man since you have a child together. Give yourself some credit and allow yourself to heal however you feel best.

Katharine O'Moore-Klopf said...

I finally forgave my first husband when our daughter was grown and on her own. It was easier then because I no longer had to see him all of the time; she was too old for us to have joint custody anymore. And I can feel sympathy for him and pray for his healing now that he is facing kidney failure because of polycystic kidney disease.

will smama said...

The telling of your stories to help me is so humbling. Thank you, thank you so much.

God_Guurrlll said...

Congratualations on the successful meeting on Monday.

Forgiveness comes with time. It took me years to forgive my ex-husband but it came with a lot of prayer. It sort of took me by surprise when the forgiveness came, it was like I woke up one morning and realized I wasn't angry at him anymore and that I wished him no ill will. I really give God the credit for bringing me to that place because I know I could not have done it on my own.

Peace,
God_guurrrlll

Kathryn said...

]*

Towanda said...

*[

Crimson Rambler said...

sometimes it helps to remember what one of my theology profs said: "Tout se paie." EVERYTHING is paid for, eventually. You can wrap this in scripture, or call it karma if you prefer...but it all comes around. And sometimes knowing that gives me elbow room to work on forgiveness.

Warm Blanket said...

Your story (and the story of my own divorce) both remind me of something I heard in a sermon once. The preacher was talking about losing both her husband and her child in a car accident. If they had been wearing their seatbelts, they would have survived it. And she was ANGRY at them. And found herself praying, "God, I need you to forgive them, because I just can't right now." I find myself thinking of that a lot, when I feel like I'm not quite there yet.

who me? said...

The Amish believe that forgiveness means yielding your right to revenge. Not forgetting, not eliminating consequences, not even not feeling angry. Maybe you have already made a start as you seek to deal with this mess openly and justly.

IdentityMixed said...

Karma... my sister in law calls it a "God Smack!" Perfect, in my opinion!!

Magdalene6127 said...

There is no easy answer to that. For me the hardest thing was seeing him and the New Woman around town everywhere (it's a small town, they were easy to see). If I could have banished him to the other side of the world I would have... but for our kids, that was not an option. So I prayed like hell, for both of them, that God would give them life abundant. (I believe I prayed sarcastically for a bit.) It helped. It's still an ongoing project.

Much love and many prayers to you.

Lorna said...

How do you forigive someone who you know is not done hurting you yet?

:(

I guess we all struggle with that. Or that the person isn't truly sorry.

I guess we mentally forgive - in obedience to God-and allow Him to help our heart and emotions catch up?

I'd forgotten that TOW1 was a good friend. That must be the pits :( Praying for you - for Christmas to be good -and for you to be able to use the energy of the Holy Spirit - rather than relying on yourself and getting burnt and battered along the way

You deserve better and God knows it - but He doesn't leave you alone (even if it sometimes feels that way)

hugs and Advent 3 greetings. (get someone else to preach ...) or 'share' :) or use Songbird's sermon :)

Mother Laura said...

For me, healthy forgiveness in a situation like that begins by trying to heal the damage they've already done, if possible with their cooperation and repentance--then taking action to prevent more harm, as much as humanly possible. That's good self care and also loving to their best self even if it's not what they prefer or appreciate at the moment.

I am so impressed that you did this by seeking the mediation meeting and so glad you came out of it more peaceful. It is a gift for you to share this process with us.

RevHRod said...

I'm with Warm Blanket on this one. When I can't do it, I ask God to forgive me and then ask God to work with them. The hard part is that I fear you will keep having to pray these prayers for the old things and for things as yet unseen. So I will pray for peace for you.