So anyone who remembers dressing the little ones in their lives also may remember the balance issues that can become involved when little legs go into little shorts or socks or shoes. The Boy lately has taken to holding on to me and saying, "Mommy, I have you and me. I have you and me."
Soon after The Big Event I wrote that I felt like I had kicked off the bottom of the deep end and although I might go down again, at least the next time I would be closer to the shallow end.
Right now we are approaching one year since my world officially got turned on its axis. I am having quite a few memories of events and red flags that led up to that revelation. Some of them aren't so easy.
For one, I remember being so worried about tdx that when he would come up to bed later than me I would hold his hand, in my mind to be an assuring presence. Turns out rather that I was being a fool. Oh well. There are worse things than believing in your spouse and in the vows you both took.
I'm okay and will be okay, but some of those memories definitely need rowing through and it is at these times that I look at the boy in order to regain my balance and cling to who we are now together and think, "It's ok. I have you and me. I have you and me."