Thursday, December 17, 2009

If Obits Were Real

As seen on Facebook:

Martin S. Zucker joined the Church Triumphant earlier this week where his daughters are quite sure he has filled his plate at the heavenly banquet buffet and sat down next to the punch bowl.
He is enjoying his meal all while raising his glass, shaking the ice in what he considered to be the universal symbol for 'bring me more diet coke” thankful that there they know how generous a tipper he is.

Born as a first generation Jewish-American in Brooklyn, NY he was an avid Brooklyn Dodgers fan holding onto the dream that they just might change their minds and move back. Although he converted to Christianity his girls like to say, “you can take the Jew out of Brooklyn, but....”
Never was this more evident than when it came to procuring gifts. These legendary items include the banjo-playing, singing stuffed Christmas rat (with sunglasses), a “god-awful, plastic pantsuit”, and his family's all time favorite: a mural-sized, framed, tableau of the Lord's Supper by Michelangelo AS PORTRAYED by the men in our local church during the Tennebrae service.

Jesus made him leave it at the Gates.

Always entertaining on car rides his favorite activities were riding in the passenger seat using his fake brake to ward off cars in a 5 mile radius, flicking his hands at slow cars that dared to block our path and reading billboard signs and gas prices... out loud. On a ride to Pennsylvania to Florida he announced the gas price 24 times. His son-in-law won the family's over/under.

Marty was well-known for his bellowed statements of joy. There was not a glass of Diet Coke that wasn't met with an overstated “Aaaaahhhh!” or a plate of food that was not met with a, “This is really good! No really! Have you tasted it yet?” He welcomed everyone trying to determine whether to sit on the bride's side or the groom's side at his youngest daughter's wedding with, “Sit wherever you like, we're all family now!!!” And when the clambake was revealed the entire northeastern corridor was informed, “It's like a Rhode Island luau!”
Of course he was a little antsy, having been in his tuxedo since breakfast... for a 5pm wedding.

There are many friends of both girls who have Marty stories to tell. A good amount of them cannot be told here.

One of the family's favorite stories is when he bought them a cake because they were all coming into town. It was a small cake (better bargain) that he had the bakery department squeeze the words: 'To life, love and prosperity'. Life – because he had just recovered from heart surgery. Love – because Miriam was bringing her boyfriend over for the first time (they had been dating 2 weeks and Marty had already implored him to “take care of my daughter!”) and Prosperity – because Kathryn had a new job. Unfortunately they ran out of cake to write the message on.

Good cake. Ridiculous message. Typical Dad.

Marty is survived by the stories that create belly laughs, the confidence that his support instilled in his daughters and his 500 pound cat, Pumpkin. He is also survived by his wife, Peg 'the Gentile', and his two daughters who are grateful that he met and loved their sons and that they can count themselves among the lucky ones who had a Dad who told them repeatedly how much he loved them and supported them no matter what they did in life - cliché #1.

P.S. Gas was $2.44 at the new Sheetz and $2.45 at the Hess.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Snarky Christmas Redux

I recently posted a faux snarky Christmas letter to my neighbors showing my green streaks of jealous over their well decorated home. What I should have just done is this:

Friday, December 4, 2009

Revgalblogpal Friday Five: Keeping it Simple Edition

This week over at revgalblogpals Sally invites us to keep it simple:

I am reading a wonderful little book for Advent it's title: "Do nothing Christmas is Coming!"

So this weeks Friday Five is simple.

List Five things you won't be doing to prepare for Christmas.

This fits in with my latest theme.

This year I will not be...

1) Making little breads as gifts.

2) Stressing over 5 stocking stuffers each for every individual in my family. Last night we discussed 2 each with the bottom line being: if you are getting something just to fill it, don't.

3) Pulling out every Christmas decoration I have, although they may get laid out in the basement so that our newly combined family can sort: recycle, reuse, rummage!

4) Buying any more Christmas decorations. This mid-November reminder to myself was actually quite freeing.

5) Buying any last minute gift items because I suddenly panic that there is not enough. I'll keep you posted on how that discipline goes.

We are having a bit of a hectic holiday around these parts for other reasons, but so far I think we are keeping the expectations of both the adults and the 5 year old on a pretty even keel.

Happy Advent!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Snarky Christmas

Dear Neighbors,

Wow. Your property looks so amazing and festive. I love the matching wreaths on the windows with the candles perfectly centered behind them. The sculpted pine bushes bought specifically for this holiday with the tasteful white lights on them add just the right touch. And kudos for finding a way to angle that spotlight so that your home glitters through the night. I also like that around the back of the house you have used garland and other classy touches to show that this Winter Festival is not just for the front yard, but for passerby's on the road behind us as well.

You know, I was going to do the same... well, at least decorate a bit (Lord knows I cannot afford sculpted pine bushes bought specifically for this holiday). I really was going to make this effort, but what was I doing right at the same time you were outside decorating your home? Oh right...

I WAS IN CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Snarky Christian

Okay, I know, I am just jealous. Still.... it did make me chuckle a bit that the neighbors who were nervous about having a pastor for a neighbor (seriously) have out-Christmas'ed us twenty-fold.
On the outside anyway.

God bless 'em.