Now school has not even started so there really was no reason for my heart to start pounding in my chest. I believe my reaction was part flashback and part projection.
For the flashback, I wasn't a bad kid, but the principal did need to call the house a few times for 'minor' issues. I was one of those kids who made things worse because once I got into minor trouble I didn't want my parents to find out and the things I would do to keep it from them would then make it major trouble.
I also did not work up to my potential (marked by a #6 on my report cards).
I also did not sit still (#3).
As for the projection, I thought this was the call where they told me that The Boy would be pulled out of class to go to speech therapy (he says "free" instead of "three"). In the millisecond the Principal said who she was I had him held back three grades with all of the children pointing and laughing at him as they are hanging out in the playground and he is in a corner running through tongue exercises all while wearing a t-shirt with a scarlet 'th' on it (not that my mind ran to an extreme or anything).
It turns out the school district is adding another Kindergarten class and The Boy was randomly selected to be in that new class. Really, it's no big deal.
At least, after I freaked out on Facebook and had 27 comments trying to talk me down off the ledge... I'm pretty sure it's no big deal.
I'm doing 'okay' with this Kindergarten transition in our lives - not stellar, but okay. I've been trying to diligently take the right steps so that we are not rushing around in the final hours. I am trying to slowly immerse myself in being a parent in the school district, but I am still suffering some angst.
I can't put my finger on what my problem is exactly. The Boy is absolutely ready for this step. He is the kind of kid teachers enjoy and even if he frustrates them he has his Magic Dimples. It is true he is an only child, but he has been in one sort of pre-school program or another since he was 2 so he is well socialized.
There is nothing to worry about.
So why do I feel so anxious?
I feel like these last few days before school starts are like the roller coaster car climbing to the
top of that first hill. I can't quite see the entire ride before me but I know it is going to have some serious ups and downs, some surprising twists and turns and go VERY fast.
So my goal remains, as always, to enjoy as much of the ride as I possibly can; forcing myself to keep my eyes open in order to embrace both the thrills and the bumps of the ride.
Because when it's all over... in the blink of an eye... I won't be able to get back on the ride again.